The Valentine Gift

There were three men drinking in a b@r, a d0ct0r, an @tt0rney @nd @ biker.

The doctor w@s drinking his white wine he yelled, “For Valentine’s Day I’m going 2 buy my wife a fur co@t and a di@mond ring. This way if she doesn’t like the fur co@t she will still l0ve me bec@use she g0t a di@mond ring.”

The att0rney w@s drinking his martini he yelled, “For V@lentine’s D@y I’m going 2 buy my wife a designer dress & a gold bracelet. This way if she doesn’t like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet.”

The biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he yelled “For Valentine’s D@y I’m going 2 buy my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. This way if she doesn’t like the t-shirt she can go **** herself!”

Possible Abbreviations of IBM

What does IBM mean anyway?

Possible IBM acronyms

 It's Being Mended

 Inmense Ball of Muck

 I Believe in Memorex

 It's Better than Macintosh!

 Idiots Built Me

 Intense Bowel Movement

 Inferior But Marketable?

 I've Been Mislead

 It's Better Manually

 Infinitly Better Macintosh

 Indefinitly Boggled Machine

 I Bought a Mac

 I Blame Microsoft.

 I Bought Macintosh

 I'll Buy Macintosh

 I've Been Moved

 I've Been Mugged

 Incontinent Bowel Movement

 Identical Blue Men

 Idiotic Bit Masher

 Idiots Become Managers

 Incompatible Business Machines

 Incredibly Boring Machine

 Infernal Bloody Monopoly

 Institute of Black Magic

 Internal Beaurocratic Mess

This Kid Needs Some Toys

Titanic Truth

Funniest Prank Ever

This is one of the funniest pranks I ever played

Just did alot of times in childhood

Epic-Funny Images

:D

                                         True Story XD

Doctors writing=!@#$%^&

Tell Me Why 

                           Smart Daddy

Short Humor Jokes

=> Call center
I called up a call center, and the automatic message said, "All our advisers are engaged."
Congratulations to  all of them. Now answer my phone.XD

=>Nurse came in and said : Doctor, there's a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible, what should I tell him?
The doctor said : "Tell him I can't see him today"  :D



=>Facebook Fever: A man updated his status as "I m gonna sleep at terrace tonight"
and 17 mosquitoes liked it and one of them commented today we are gonna have royal dinner.XD


=>I will call it as a "smart phone"on the day I yell, "Where iss my freaking phone??" and it replies, "I'm here!!! Under your jacket!!!":D

The Epic Saga

Husband & Wife

This is the best & most civil way to have a fight between husband & wife instead of resorting to physical force...
Poems written by WIFE & HUSBAND.

WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far

HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you

AND THE SAGA CONTINUES........

The Funniest Interview

Interviewer: There are 50 bricks on an airplane.


If u drop 1 outside. How many are left?


Applicant: That's easy, 49.


Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Applicant: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.


Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?


Applicant: Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.


Interviewer: It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?


Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge.


Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?


Applicant: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.


Interviewer: Last question.
In the end the old lady still died. Why?


Applicant: Er....I guess she drowned?


Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick fallen frm the airoplane. You may leave now :@

Hooker lady

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.


So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.


She said, "That was incredible!"


He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."


So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.


He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"


"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the Grand Canal."

Pic Fail

Smart Johnny

Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?'


'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly.


'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?'


'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'

Bear Advisory

The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING in the national forests for this summer. They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray.


Campers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black Bear dung and Grizzy Bear dung.


Black Bear dung is rather small and round. Sometimes you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it.


Grizzly Bear dung has bells in it, and smells like pepper spray!